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Subject: Sunset on ur body
Replies: 6 Views: 264
l0nlylez 11.05.08 - 07:09am
Unbeknowest to my feelings. U say u love another. I wear a brave smile. While i wanted to b that lover. But ur heart shines between ur mountains. Decending like my will. U look away and These eyes burst into fountains. 4 u i will kill. The afternoon still... *
badzen 11.05.08 - 08:00am
Brilliant, i knew you had something more to say deeper than all the cliched stuff. There is a sense of you acknowledging your emotions in this one. And not giving in to the spectacle, just for the sake of it- in this one poem you've grown as an artist. I've always admired your talent for words, today even more. *
lucretia 11.05.08 - 08:56am
It's extremely beautiful babe... *
bl0odgrl 12.05.08 - 01:17am
n awesome! As usual. Haha. *
l0nlylez 13.05.08 - 06:03am
Call me a cliche again and il stab in ur fkn face i can deal with crit on my poems but i wont stand 4 ppl mocking me! *
badzen 13.05.08 - 08:17am
Firstly, i didn't call you a cliche, the cliche is just what you pander to in your previous stuff, all shock tactic over substance, i'm not mocking you either. I knew you could do more. Your problem is you prefer the empty unthinking praise, because its easier than the challenge of dealing with thoughtful real criticsm, with no bull - and speaking of which, stab me in the face? Is that when you find out my true identity, and save up enough airfare to get over here? Drop the nonsense, cause you are better than that, i know it, you know it too, you just need to accept your level of talent, and do something with it beyond superficial oh i'm so dark and aggressive. Write something that uses the fierce intellect you have for yourself, not the baying crowd. You know i'm right. *
fear 5.02.12 - 12:19am
wow...sounds like my dad...in a good way though, dont get me wrong.lol. *
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